what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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