I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
