Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
