I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I believe in your delicious
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
