More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You dont lie about slip and slides
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
