Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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