Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
