I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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