Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
