I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
