6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
