Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize