There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
