WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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