So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
