Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
