I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
