i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
