It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
