Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
