The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize