Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
