i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
