A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
