I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
soo... how was my night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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