Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
