it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
