At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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