I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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