I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
