Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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