At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
