found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
