i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
