I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
