Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize