found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
