i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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