I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
