what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize