I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
