we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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