life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
