No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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