Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
honey bunches of taint.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
