I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
