The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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