I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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