Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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