You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize