I must be too annoying 4 u.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
