saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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