Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
