Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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