He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
