I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
