They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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