I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
