Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
