Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
