i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my shit smells like andre
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
